When LMFAO wrote their song, I doubt they planned for this derivative of the main chorus to become a theme song of mine… especially when a guy I like is involved.  I’ve always known that being a girl is hard work.  Add a male maybe-love interest to the mix, the work or girl-dom becomes even harder.

You get caught up in your own head.
You really like yourself… on four days out of the week, and those days rotate from week to week.
You are confident… for the most part.
You like boys… except when you don’t.
You always totally know your mind… in that moment. Things in your mind are subject to change for any reason at any time.
You see things that are there… no they’re not… yes, they are… Oh, forget it!

So take the constant cycling of the of female brain, add a dose of ‘What is he thinking?’ to it, and multiply that by 73. Behold, a psycho is born.  If you are a female who has ever crushed on a guy, even mildly, you know what I’m talking about.  Suddenly rational thought flies out of the window. Everything is now analyzed to death with ridiculous results.  “What does he really mean when he says he likes the color blue? Is it a metaphor for something? Maybe he’s feeling sad.  Does this mean I make him sad? Oh my God, he’s trying to tell me he’s married!”

Lets not even go into the whole communication thing.  A 15-minute pause in between texts becomes cause for crisis counseling.  “He liked me so much 10 minutes ago. Has he changed his mind? Maybe his old girlfriend called. Why is he silent? I bet you he’s on a date with someone else.” *Bloop* In comes a text. “Oh my God he loves me! Look at how fast he responded. He included a smiley face. Thats good right? We’re definitely getting married soon. I can feel it!”

I know we are told to listen to our intuition, but there are some instances where the dating-crazy overrides common sense.  It is possible to get in the way of your own good relationship.  Right at this very moment, some poor guy is dealing with the fallout from some imagined slight or conversation that was brewed in some girl’s head.  Are there scheming, lying, no-good, players out there that you need to keep an eye out for? Yes.  But remember paranoia is a good thing only as long as someone really is out to get you.  The rest of time, it’s just crazy.  So my chicas, I say to you what I constantly tell myself; take a deep breath and exhale.  Repeat after me, ‘Woosah.’

So the lesson this psycho chic is learning is this: Get out of your own head.  It is easier said than done, but it can be done.  Here are a few simple tips.  Stop obsessing and playing Toni Braxton for hours.  Do not allow yourself to listen to any bluesy or schmaltzy music.  I recommend just playing techno.  If nothing else, the beat will turn your crazy to a different direction.

Call your sane girlfriend and allow yourself no more than a specified amount of insecure, crazy-girl venting.  I suggest 15-30 minutes.  Anything beyond that is just feeding the beast.  Also, you know and I know that there are some friends who should never be called in a crisis. Ever. If they feed on drama or bringing you down, do NOT call one of them when you are at a weak point.

Get out of the house and go do something.  Exercise. Go watch a movie. Buy yourself something pretty. They call it retail therapy because it works.  However, you might want to keep the receipt so that you can take your retail fix back when you return to your non-obsessing, normal self.  Just a tip.

If you’re stuck in the house, do not log onto Facebook or Twitter to moon over his posts, or stalk him on IM. “Oh look, he liked something 7 minutes ago. Why isn’t he posting on my page? I’ll go write something clever. Is it funny? Why hasn’t he liked it?” Don’t do it.  I have found that watching an episode of Criminal Minds will keep your mind occupied for a little while.  There’s nothing like watching a true psychopath dismember a family of five to put things back in perspective.

Bottom line chicas, relax. What will be, will be.  He will like you and call you soon, or he wont.  You cannot control his actions, but you sure as heck can control your reactions.  Either way, you Will. Not. Die.  It might feel like your head is about to explode from all the back and forth you’re doing in there, but you’ll be fine.  If it’s not this boy at this time, there will be other boys.

Note to the boys: If you are going out with some chic, do us all a favor and communicate. It takes so little to keep us sane and happy.  Go on, make the world a better place.   Send her a text Right Now!!