Tag Archives: relationships

The first lie… (or, you’d better have flushed your iPhone down the toilet)

14 Monday Jan 2013

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So the other day I’m sitting there watching a body language and truth decoding expert on the Steve Harvey TV show (#DontJudgeMe), and according to her the top lies people tell are:

1. I’ll call you
2. I love you

I believe it. If I have to pick one to hear I’d really rather have someone tell me lie #2 because as far I’m concerned, it is easy to disprove. The way you treat me lets me know if you love me long before you say the words. The most damaging lie? Lie #1. Let me explain.

“I’ll call you.” As a lie this has to be one of the most infuriating statements ever made. On my list of pet peeves it ranks right up there with, ‘Thou shalt not bomb thy neighbor.’ I think its the forgotten commandment. ‘Thou shalt not say you’ll call someone and then not do it.’ “I’ll call you.” Really boo? Really?

Here’s how it typically goes down. ‘Expect my call at 11,’ you say. I didn’t ask you to make me any promises, but still you volunteered this one. Even worse, you specified a time to make sure I’d be available. So I make a mental note, don’t fully concentrate on my Scandal reruns (what a waste), and devote my time to waiting for this call. Don’t get me wrong. Its not that I sit there staring at the phone. If only. That might be more productive. You’ve told me you’ll call. So I fulfill my end of the agreement by ensuring my phone is free and not getting too deeply caught up in anything so that I can put the things aside and give you my full attention when you call.

Then I wait… and wait… pick up the phone to make sure the ringer is on… check my email/text/IM to make sure that I have the right date and time details… watch 3 minutes of a muted episode of House Hunters… peek back at Scandal… check my phone again… and still, you don’t call. Half an hour after the call window is closed and I have totally moved on to something else, you send me an email/text/IM. ‘Hey,’ you ask. ‘You still up?’

*head explodes* Trifling! No. No I’m not up. In fact, I’m not even in the country. I actually changed my phone numb… no wait, flushed my phone down the toilet and will no longer be reachable. Actually, scrap that. Aliens came and abducted me and my phone and we are now in a new galaxy. Over reaction? Maybe. But I betcha don’t get to do it again. At least not to me.

I guess what makes me crazy about the whole ‘I’ll call you’ thing is that at the root of it lies serious disrespect. Either you think I’m so dumb and needy that I have to be placated with fake call promises, or you value my time so little that you couldn’t do me the courtesy of showing up when you said you would or at the very least, sending an email/text/IM before the proposed call to change the time. We prioritize and make time for the thing we value. Clearly I’m not on the valued list.

I don’t care if you are a girl or a guy. I don’t care if the reason you don’t call is personal or business related. Be a person of your word… And if you are going to lie to me, make it about something that matters. Don’t waste my time.

Does this bother you as much as it does me? How do you deal with fake non-callers? Let me know in the comments.

Photo credit to The 10 Habits of A Liar
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I’m Psycho and I Know it

17 Monday Dec 2012

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ImageWhen LMFAO wrote their song, I doubt they planned for this derivative of the main chorus to become a theme song of mine… especially when a guy I like is involved.  I’ve always known that being a girl is hard work.  Add a male maybe-love interest to the mix, the work or girl-dom becomes even harder.

You get caught up in your own head.
You really like yourself… on four days out of the week, and those days rotate from week to week.
You are confident… for the most part.
You like boys… except when you don’t.
You always totally know your mind… in that moment. Things in your mind are subject to change for any reason at any time.
You see things that are there… no they’re not… yes, they are… Oh, forget it!

So take the constant cycling of the of female brain, add a dose of ‘What is he thinking?’ to it, and multiply that by 73. Behold, a psycho is born.  If you are a female who has ever crushed on a guy, even mildly, you know what I’m talking about.  Suddenly rational thought flies out of the window. Everything is now analyzed to death with ridiculous results.  “What does he really mean when he says he likes the color blue? Is it a metaphor for something? Maybe he’s feeling sad.  Does this mean I make him sad? Oh my God, he’s trying to tell me he’s married!”

Lets not even go into the whole communication thing.  A 15-minute pause in between texts becomes cause for crisis counseling.  “He liked me so much 10 minutes ago. Has he changed his mind? Maybe his old girlfriend called. Why is he silent? I bet you he’s on a date with someone else.” *Bloop* In comes a text. “Oh my God he loves me! Look at how fast he responded. He included a smiley face. Thats good right? We’re definitely getting married soon. I can feel it!”

I know we are told to listen to our intuition, but there are some instances where the dating-crazy overrides common sense.  It is possible to get in the way of your own good relationship.  Right at this very moment, some poor guy is dealing with the fallout from some imagined slight or conversation that was brewed in some girl’s head.  Are there scheming, lying, no-good, players out there that you need to keep an eye out for? Yes.  But remember paranoia is a good thing only as long as someone really is out to get you.  The rest of time, it’s just crazy.  So my chicas, I say to you what I constantly tell myself; take a deep breath and exhale.  Repeat after me, ‘Woosah.’

So the lesson this psycho chic is learning is this: Get out of your own head.  It is easier said than done, but it can be done.  Here are a few simple tips.  Stop obsessing and playing Toni Braxton for hours.  Do not allow yourself to listen to any bluesy or schmaltzy music.  I recommend just playing techno.  If nothing else, the beat will turn your crazy to a different direction.

Call your sane girlfriend and allow yourself no more than a specified amount of insecure, crazy-girl venting.  I suggest 15-30 minutes.  Anything beyond that is just feeding the beast.  Also, you know and I know that there are some friends who should never be called in a crisis. Ever. If they feed on drama or bringing you down, do NOT call one of them when you are at a weak point.

Get out of the house and go do something.  Exercise. Go watch a movie. Buy yourself something pretty. They call it retail therapy because it works.  However, you might want to keep the receipt so that you can take your retail fix back when you return to your non-obsessing, normal self.  Just a tip.

If you’re stuck in the house, do not log onto Facebook or Twitter to moon over his posts, or stalk him on IM. “Oh look, he liked something 7 minutes ago. Why isn’t he posting on my page? I’ll go write something clever. Is it funny? Why hasn’t he liked it?” Don’t do it.  I have found that watching an episode of Criminal Minds will keep your mind occupied for a little while.  There’s nothing like watching a true psychopath dismember a family of five to put things back in perspective.

Bottom line chicas, relax. What will be, will be.  He will like you and call you soon, or he wont.  You cannot control his actions, but you sure as heck can control your reactions.  Either way, you Will. Not. Die.  It might feel like your head is about to explode from all the back and forth you’re doing in there, but you’ll be fine.  If it’s not this boy at this time, there will be other boys.

Note to the boys: If you are going out with some chic, do us all a favor and communicate. It takes so little to keep us sane and happy.  Go on, make the world a better place.   Send her a text Right Now!!