So the other day I’m sitting there watching a body language and truth decoding expert on the Steve Harvey TV show (#DontJudgeMe), and according to her the top lies people tell are:

1. I’ll call you
2. I love you

I believe it. If I have to pick one to hear I’d really rather have someone tell me lie #2 because as far I’m concerned, it is easy to disprove. The way you treat me lets me know if you love me long before you say the words. The most damaging lie? Lie #1. Let me explain.

“I’ll call you.” As a lie this has to be one of the most infuriating statements ever made. On my list of pet peeves it ranks right up there with, ‘Thou shalt not bomb thy neighbor.’ I think its the forgotten commandment. ‘Thou shalt not say you’ll call someone and then not do it.’ “I’ll call you.” Really boo? Really?

Here’s how it typically goes down. ‘Expect my call at 11,’ you say. I didn’t ask you to make me any promises, but still you volunteered this one. Even worse, you specified a time to make sure I’d be available. So I make a mental note, don’t fully concentrate on my Scandal reruns (what a waste), and devote my time to waiting for this call. Don’t get me wrong. Its not that I sit there staring at the phone. If only. That might be more productive. You’ve told me you’ll call. So I fulfill my end of the agreement by ensuring my phone is free and not getting too deeply caught up in anything so that I can put the things aside and give you my full attention when you call.

Then I wait… and wait… pick up the phone to make sure the ringer is on… check my email/text/IM to make sure that I have the right date and time details… watch 3 minutes of a muted episode of House Hunters… peek back at Scandal… check my phone again… and still, you don’t call. Half an hour after the call window is closed and I have totally moved on to something else, you send me an email/text/IM. ‘Hey,’ you ask. ‘You still up?’

*head explodes* Trifling! No. No I’m not up. In fact, I’m not even in the country. I actually changed my phone numb… no wait, flushed my phone down the toilet and will no longer be reachable. Actually, scrap that. Aliens came and abducted me and my phone and we are now in a new galaxy. Over reaction? Maybe. But I betcha don’t get to do it again. At least not to me.

I guess what makes me crazy about the whole ‘I’ll call you’ thing is that at the root of it lies serious disrespect. Either you think I’m so dumb and needy that I have to be placated with fake call promises, or you value my time so little that you couldn’t do me the courtesy of showing up when you said you would or at the very least, sending an email/text/IM before the proposed call to change the time. We prioritize and make time for the thing we value. Clearly I’m not on the valued list.

I don’t care if you are a girl or a guy. I don’t care if the reason you don’t call is personal or business related. Be a person of your word… And if you are going to lie to me, make it about something that matters. Don’t waste my time.

Does this bother you as much as it does me? How do you deal with fake non-callers? Let me know in the comments.